I hope I can tell here what I really want to say. Everything is strange now, This feeling I have never feel this before. It feels like a mess in my brain, a personal deception but at the same time a little proud about me because after all, I'm not an absolutely losser, because, well, maybe I lost the game but I'm aware about how much I know and, yes, I'm smarter than 2 years ago, I've changed in many aspects, I'm aware about what I am and I'll never forget where I start. Maybe this is a blue period of darkness, hopeless and despair. I never wanted to reach such great downswing but I have to deal with this stupid case where I don't show how able I am to be the person I want to be. It's a little dissapointing don't be admitted after being the first in class, help to any one need support in some subjects, listen "Don't worry, I know you'll be admitted". Now I'm aware that one shouldn't rely of the hits or successes on